Two Little Known Factors That Can Affect Your New Year

I talked a bit yesterday about my parental super powers. Seeing the future is not one of them. Last Thursday, I woke up with a very sick child, having no idea that just nine hours later, I'd be 100 miles from home, at a Children's Hospital, where my wife and I and our youngest child would be for the next week. Life is fragile - not just the physical part, but the everyday part. As you plan and dream and set goals for the New Year, consider these "little known factors" that can affect how it plays out:

1. The Past Year. I've heard a number of people talk about how bad 2011 was for them, how much it sucked and how it was "hands down the worst year of my life." Many people would say, forget the past, live in the present and look forward to the future. However, the things that happened in 2011 WILL affect your future. If you lost a job. If you lost a loved one. If you hit the bottom financially. If you had a major health issue. If you endured a broken relationship. Whatever it was that has you thinking, "2011 sucked" will shape 2012. How your past shapes your future is up to you. If you continue to dwell on it, or even suppress the memories of the past, and allow it to harness your every thought and emotion, you'll drag every bit of the bitterness you now feel about 2011 into 2012, and at the end of this year you'll likely feel the same. However, if you allow the past to shape the present, you'll learn from your mistakes and grow stronger because of the hardships you endured. Your future decisions will occur with a greater degree of wisdom and freedom. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger...if you allow it to!
2. Driving a Sports Car. Didn't see that one coming did ya? Oh, c'mon! That would definitely affect your New Year! Let's be realistic...I have a family...how about a sports sedan?! You know, something with a 550 horsepower supercharged V8, 550 lb.-ft. of torque, that will do 0-60 in a blistering 3.9 seconds and still seat five! Oh, yeah! That would definitely affect my New Year! Okay, back to reality. The speed at which you live life will affect your New Year. The faster you go, the harder it is to break. The faster you go, the slower your decision-response time. The faster you go, the harder/longer it takes to change directions. The faster you go, the farther you have to backtrack if you miss a turn. This year, slow down. Be more deliberate and guarded with what you allow to consume your time.

Behind the Scenes of Parenting: Christmas Day

Christmas Day this year was a bit hectic. We got up, rummaged throughout our stockings, ate breakfast, went to church, came home and opened the rest of our gifts, got the kids down for a nap, and prepped a large prime rib Christmas dinner with all the fixings.

For dinner, we had some friends over. In the midst of setting the table, grilling the littles some steaks on the grill outside, putting the final touches on dinner, taking drink orders, and with our youngest child screaming because he didn't feel well, one of our friends asked: How in the world do you do it?! How do you manage to juggle so many things going on at one time?!

My response: selective hearing. The truth is, I have super powers that only come with being a parent of multiple kids. My incredible wife has the same super powers, although she a bit more talented at using them. Selective hearing is part of it (a part I think I'm pretty good at, by the way), but at some point one more thing going on around you just doesn't matter anymore. My child screaming, trying not to burn things, getting everything on the table - the details didn't matter. To us, what mattered most was our family being together with friends for a nice Christmas Day dinner.

A few years ago, some friends needed a babysitter in a pinch. When we offered to watch their child, they couldn't understand how we could possibly handle watching their child in addition to our own children. The details of how that might work didn't matter. To us, what mattered most was helping friends.

Too often, I think we get caught up majoring on the minor and lose focus of the big picture. Let me encourage you: never let the things that matter most be at the mercy of the things that matter least.

What Christmas Break Taught Me About My Kids

Christmas Break. It's kind of like summer break, but a lot shorter and a lot more hectic. Generally, kids look forward to it and parents can't wait for it to be over. Not me! I wish it'd last another week. For my family, today is the last day of Christmas break. Tomorrow, our daughter heads back to school. Our oldest son should start back too, but being homeschooled allows his schedule to be a bit more flexible. Looking back, here are some things Christmas break taught me about my kids.

• My kids need me. That may go without saying, but I need to be reminded of that sometimes. The week before Christmas and the week after Christmas, we closed the church office a couple of hours early each day, which allowed me to spend a bit more time with my kids. They ate that up! For quite a while now, I've really made a conscious effort to leave work at work and completely devote my time at home to my family. It's just with a busy schedule, sometimes that time at home isn't as plentiful as I'd like. It's been good to hit the pause button over the last couple of weeks and spend some more time at home.
• It's the little things. Often, kids desire the biggest, best, most expensive presents money can buy for Christmas. Sometime in the last couple of months, I had the idea of making my two youngest boys a set of building blocks out of two-by-fours for Christmas. The idea came as I was sorting through an entire tub of toys they have in the playroom that they never play with and thought, they're really creative, they don't need all these toys, they like to play with blocks but don't have any, how hard can this be? It wasn't! It was super easy! It probably took less than two hours for me to buy the wood, cut the wood, and sand the wood, it cost less than $20, and they now have something to play with for years to come! It's been one of their favorite presents. I have all really enjoyed building with my boys - not just structures taller than they are, with blocks that are inevitably knocked over, but relationships that will last a lifetime.
• Future planning. Each year, I develop a master plan outlining where I believe God is directing me to go with youth ministry for the following year. It's not detailed. It's just high level stuff: what topics will be covered, what teaching series will be taught, how long each of those series will be, etc. Each month, we have a Leader Team Meeting with department heads to discuss where we're at, what we're doing and where we're going. Each week, we have a Staff Meeting to discuss the same. There's a lot of planning and discussion that goes into what our purpose is, what our vision is and what we're doing to accomplish those things. This model of planning is not uncommon in business, but how many families put a similar effort into planning for their future? How many families have a one-year plan? How many families have a semi-formal monthly meeting to discuss what's going on with the family? How many couples have a weekly "staff meeting" to discuss what's happening with the family that week? We don't! But, that's something we're going to work on. If we don't have a plan for where we're going, how will we ever get there? Last summer, my oldest son begged incessantly for me to take him to the skate park in town. It never happened. For Christmas, he got a BB gun and begged incessantly for me to take him someplace to shoot. It could have been the same, never quite happening, but we took an evening and went and shot up a bunch of pop cans at some friend's farm. For months, my kids have begged to go swim at the YMCA. It didn't happen until Christmas break because it wasn't part of the plan. In fact, there wasn't a plan at all. But, when we fail to plan, we plan to fail. During Christmas break, my kids taught me that I need to plan better deliberate quality time with them.

What did Christmas break teach you about your kids?

How to Survive the Holidays

Cue the Christmas tribal music (whatever that may sound like). Cue the majestic scenery of snow covered landscape. Cue the Christmas lights and decorations. Flash pictures of each of our six family members (and one exchange student) in our Christmas pajamas. Cue the Christmas tree, manger scenes, Christmas goody table, Christmas programs, Christmas Eve and Christmas morning services at church. Throw in a quad peppermint mocha from Starbucks and cue the voice-over: "Somewhere in the midwest, seven people are about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime. Toys will be broken. Feelings will be hurt. Chaos will ensue. After 39 days, the winner will be given the title of sole survivor and one million dollars. 39 days, 7 people, 1 survivor!"

Okay, so, maybe the holidays don't really play like the latest episode of Survivor although the million dollars would sure be nice - but, sometimes it does feel like it. For whatever reason, this year seemed particularly hectic to us. Looking back, there are a couple of things I'd say really helped us survive the holidays, that really could hep you and your family year-round.

Advanced planning. For years, my wife has done nearly all of the Christmas shopping, and started quite early. Early for me meant getting there when the doors opened on Christmas Eve! Planning further out is always better. Several months out, we make a list of everyone we are getting gifts for and what we're getting them and check off the gift when it has been acquired. This especially helps us to balance our gift giving for each of our kids and lowers stress later in the holiday season because we don't have to think about what we still need to get, if we've spent the same on each one, and whether it will appear as if one kid gets more than another.

One thing we're still not good at when it comes to planning ahead is wrapping gifts and prepping the house for Christmas morning (including a fancy breakfast, featuring monkey bread and gourmet hot chocolate). We're typically up into the wee hours of the morning wrapping gifts that will be ripped to shreds only hours later. This year, my wife pulled an all nighter! We definitely need to get better about planning ahead with gift wrapping and house prep.

Planning ahead involves more than just exchanging gifts, though. Where will you spend Christmas? Who will be there? Will you travel? What are you going to eat? What groceries will you need? What will be on the menu? If you plan to eat later in the day, what will you need for snacks throughout the day? The fewer things you leave to last minute decisions, the more enjoyable life will be.

Be flexible. Several years ago we traveled over Christmas to be with family. Because we were still under the impression that Christmas could only really occur on Christmas Day, we packed everything we needed to do Christmas and hit the road. Our car was busting at the seams on the way, and impossibly packed to the brim for the ride home. Miserable! Since then we've celebrated Christmas before leaving or after we've gotten back. I heard someone say a few years ago, "Blessed are the flexible, for they will not be broken." When we release ourselves from our own expectations sometimes, it releases us to enjoy life more.

What about you? How do you plan for and survive the holidays? Does being flexible help you to become the sole survivor?

5 Things I Learned About Setting Goals

Several years ago, I made the switch from making "New Year's Resolutions" to "setting goals". It may seem a matter of semantics, but I think there's more to it than that. A resolution is simply resolving to do something. A goal requires a plan. Too many times, I think people fail at their New Year's Resolutions because they fail to create a viable plan to achieve them.

It goes without saying that you should start this process with prayer. Beyond that, here are 5 things I've learned about setting goals for the coming year:

1. Think big! Don't get me wrong. Goals have to be reasonably attainable, otherwise they have no value. At the same time, set a goal that's worth the effort it will take to achieve it. Consider setting a goal such that if God doesn't help you achieve it, it won't happen; something that's bigger than you, but that if you trust and obey, He'll help make it happen. Those types of goals will also help you trust Him more and cause you to spend more time in prayer, seeking and depending on His divine guidance and direction.
2. Be specific. "I'd like my family to grow spiritually this year." At the end of a year, how will you know if you've achieved your goal? You need goals that are measurable and/or quantifiable, such that if you look back on them later on, you can objectively answer yes or no as to whether or not you achieved it. "I'd like my family to memorize 52 Scriptures this year." Did you achieve that goal? Yes or No.
3. Think in categories. When trying to come up with goals, it may be difficult to pull them out of thin air. Even if you can, I think it's good to affinitize them. It helps you maintain balance and ensure you're not putting all your efforts into one basket. Consider categories like "Family Goals", "Relationship Goals", "Parent Goals", "Financial Goals", "Physical Goals", "Travel Goals", "Spiritual Goals", "Experience Goals", etc., and limit the number of goals you place in each category you create.
4. Involve others. One of my long term goals is to take my oldest son to a NASCAR race. It's something he and I both love and I'd love to share that memory with him. I'd also like to do a father-daughter retreat weekend with my daughter. They're reasonably attainable, they're specific, they're in my family category, and they're not just about me - they involve others. This year I was able to mark off one of these: go on a missions trip with my wife - so rewarding! You should also involve others in the planning process - others that can help keep you accountable for achieving your goals.
5. Write them down. If you want to remember it, you need to write it down. I made my first "goal list" in 2008. I still look back on it from time to time to remind myself of what my goals were. Often, I look at it and realize that I've actually forgotten a few of my goals. And, it causes me to rethink my plan for achieving them.

So, what are some goals you'd like to achieve this year and what's your plan for achieving them?